Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Paring Down or Sacrifice

So many people talk about how great it is to lighten your load and clean out your stuff. They're right, of course, but sometimes it goes beyond cleaning out and becomes a loss. I've lost plenty.

When I moved to the camper parked in a driveway in Canaan, NH, I gave up my house, not that I had much choice in the matter. Seven of my beloved dogs died during the 9 years that I lived there. I had to leave their little graves behind.

I left behind a woodstove, a studio, my rifle, tools and my garden. I had spent hours working on my garden. I had turned a rocky driveway into a lush bed for my perennials and vegetables. I was still waiting for some of my trees and bushes to bloom. I invited all my friends to come dig up whatever they wanted.

 I had to find homes for the livestock.
I gave the ducks to a friend of mine. I was sad to let them go, but she was into ducks and we had shared a few before. I knew she would pamper them.

I sent the pony on a free lease. I’d had him for almost 20 years. He was a wonderful little guy who loved to drive in the cart. We had made it our tradition to go out for a drive every Christmas when there wasn’t snow on the ground. I won’t be taking him back now.

I sold all but three of my sheep. I still miss my lovely, sweet tempered ram, Handy. He really was handsome with his silver grey merino fleece and huge curling horns. I hope he and his girls have a good home.

I sold my goats. The woman who took some of them came back to get a couple more. She seemed really nice and caring so I asked her if she wanted the Angora buck for free because he had such bad feet problems. I still cry when I think about loading him in the back of her car. Some animals are just too special. It just hurts too much.

I kept three ewes for fleece and for my dogs to work. My landlady took two pygora wethers. I was given a llama and an alpaca. I only had them for one summer, but I fell in love with the llama. He was just beautiful and so gentle. I still have some of his fleece.

While I lived in Canaan, three more of my dogs died. I had to leave their little graves behind when we left for Texas. I gave my sheep to the woman who had given me the lamas and returned them to her as well. I miss the oldest ewe the most. She had a wonderful fleece, was great for the dogs to practice herding with and easy for me to deal with.
I still miss the llama terribly. I never even got a good picture of him.
I sold two of my weaving looms. I gave away more stuff and sold anything I couldn’t carry in the truck and camper. I lost another studio full of materials that made it possible for me to do what I love.

I left behind all my friends.

I’m down to two dogs now. One is getting old. I was given a pup just about a year ago. I didn’t want to take on another dog, but realized I won’t have the older one that much longer. I can’t be without a dog. I’d be too lonely

I’ve sacrificed plenty. I can’t see that it has made my life any better.

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